Come jokes
How do terrorists feed their babies?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
During the Wintery Wackiness Wars!
A Soviet Sergeant, stationed stilly near a sloped summit with his silly soldiers!
Then a shout sails from the tippy-top: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a hundred heroic Honchos!"
The Kommandant's kerfuffle commences, commanding a caravan of one hundred comrades to conquer the crest!
Nifty navigation notes nil, the nasty news nabs many! After an Hour, hush descends. The high voice hollers, "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a thousand heroic Honchos!"
Kommander fumes, forcing a further flurry, flinging one thousand fine fellows skyward!
Nearly two hours now and the noisy nuisance ceases, then the shouting starts: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures ten thousand heroic Honchos!"
The Kommandant kaput! Ten thousand troopers take the trek, taking tanks, trundling skyward, to take the terrain!
Four fearsome, fretful hours then a soldier in tatters comes tumbling, talking: "Stop sending up soldiers, sir! There's two Finns fighting fiercely!"
What's the difference between my father and acne?
Acne waited for me to be a teenager before coming on my face.
How do tourists feed their kids?
Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
What's the difference between a boomerang and a Black father?
A boomerang comes back.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
What’s the best part about raping a blind girl? She’ll never see you coming.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?