Come

Come jokes

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

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    • Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

    His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

    Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

    An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

    It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

    The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

    The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

    The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

    Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

    Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

    Why is prostitution illegal?

    Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

    My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

    The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

    Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

    Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

    His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

    *Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

    Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

    LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

    Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

    Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

    Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

    I don't know.

    I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

    Roses are red, violets are blue.

    These jokes are old, come up with something new!

    Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

    Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

    Son: Am I kidnapped?

    Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

    I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

    Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.

    When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

    "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

    “Where do you come from?"

    "Rome."

    “What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

    "No, Rome, Italy, of course."

    “I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

    To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

    "What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

    "No, Rome, Italy, of course."

    "No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

    Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

    "Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

    "Rome, Italy."

    "No, sorry, never heard of him.”

    Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

    "What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

    "He says Rome, Italy."

    "No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"