Coffin jokes
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)