City jokes
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Manchester City is gay.
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Richmond
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.