Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
City Jokes
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What do you call a drivable Hamburger?
What?
A Hamborgini.
What's grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.
