Church jokes
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
I think that church is super burning 🥵.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.