Church jokes

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?

'Cause they can't elope.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

Why do orphans love church?

They finally have a father.

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.

I think that church is super burning 🥵.

Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!

HELP! HELP!

TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!

Twin monks who ring the church bells died.

Now they are dead ringers. :)

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?

Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.