Church

Church jokes

Beer

    • So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

    Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

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    • Nun

    • Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

    Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

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    • Orphan

    • Like this if you laughed.

    These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

    I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

    Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

    Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

    Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

    Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

    What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

    Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

    Box

    • Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

    Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

    Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

    Name

    • 1. Full name: John.

    2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

    3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

    4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

    5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

    6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

    7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

    8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

    9. Working motivation: none.

    I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

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    • Priest

    • After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

    The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

    "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

    The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

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    • Teacher

    • Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.

    Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.

    Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.

    Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.

    Pastor: You deserve to die.

    - I attack

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