What’s do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy
