What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
