Christmas jokes

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?

He didn't open it yet.

Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?

He doesn’t have legs.

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

Why does Santa not have any children?

He only cums once a year.

Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!

If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.

Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.

Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.

I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

Why did Santa stop at three ho's?

Ms. Claus caught him.

Stories like Rudolph and Wonder show that different means worse.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

Why was Santa happy?

'Cause he has hoes.