Christmas jokes
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.