Chinese Jokes

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

How do Chinese people name their babies?

They chuck a pan down the stairs.

How do you name a Chinese kid?

Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"

Chinese always proud of their principle in business.

The fact is only products they copy that go international, except for COVID.

How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?

He wok-ed.

What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?

C4.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?

Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.

What do you call a Chinese person with 1 leg? Tie Son Whu.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?

It’s the only place they can vote!

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.