Chinese jokes
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"
Hm, free food
Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
How did the Chinese chicken cross the road?
He wok-ed.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire? Cha Ching.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
What time do Chinese people go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30).
Why can't Indians play football?
Every time they get a corner, they open up a shop. 🙉