Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
The orphan was playing baseball. He hit a home run. His coach told him to run home. He couldn't find it.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
