Childhood jokes

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

The orphan was playing baseball. He hit a home run. His coach told him to run home. He couldn't find it.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because nobody misses them.

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…

My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.

Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"