Childhood jokes

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?

He would never make it home base.

Q. Why do orphans love elevators?

A. Because they're the only things to raise them.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To be wanted.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture?

A family portrait.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.

Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?

Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.

Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!

Dad: Oh, hey Brick!

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOOF"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your Parents."