Childhood jokes

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?

A: Musical chairs.

Why did Sally get a black eye?

Because she tried to play patty cake.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

Craig Duncan is a child soldier with bad breath and has killed 5 people (on Fortnite).

You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.