Child jokes

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Why are most dark jokes about orphans?

They can't complain to their parents.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

How are apples and orphans different?

Apples get picked.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

Why can't an orphan get offended?

What are they gonna do, tell their mom?

What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?

"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."

How many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?

Halloween. Free delivery!

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.