New Child Jokes - Page 35 - Worst Jokes Ever

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?

Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.

What do orphans not see on a controller?

The home button.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?

A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?

A parent.

What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?

"My bum hurts!"

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

Who is not allowed to watch PG movies?

Orphans.

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.