Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
Child Jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.
Why can't orphans play rounders?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
[Parent’s signature: __________]
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have nobody to call daddy.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
