What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
