Check jokes

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

How do rappers greet each other?

With a "Mic check, one-two."

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

How did the rapper find his missing phone?

He checked the track list.

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To get his fillings checked.

Why was the rapper always on time?

Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Where are the ping pong balls? Check the bathroom stalls.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To check in on his flat mate.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

Why is it that a physically disabled gay white male will refuse to ask his boss that is an abled bodied gay white male for an increase in his paycheck?

Since he has a very big white dick in his mouth, that could be the reason why.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.