Check jokes
What do birds use to check their grades?
Air-ies...
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
I do not have enough information to complete this request. Can you please provide the joke?
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”