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Change jokes

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

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    • A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

    A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

    I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

    In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

    How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

    5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

    Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

    Kids changing the channel to Annie.

    Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

    TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

    Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

    A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

    Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.

    Jane ate her friend’s colon.

    How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

    To get to the other side.

    FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

    So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

    How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

    Change your name to "Rape."

    Quote of the day:

    A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

    Chao!!!

    Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

    A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

    How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

    Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

    Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

    (mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

    Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

    All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”

    So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

    How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

    There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

    A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

    My name, my address, and my phone number.