A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
Chair Jokes
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?
One time I ate a chair.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
