Celebrity jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.

Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?

A 50-year-old piece of meat.

A 12-year-old bun.

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.