Celebrity jokes
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
"Hee hee touched me."
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?
"Boys Keep Swinging."
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Why does Michael Jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.