Celebrity jokes

Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.

Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.

They both routinely place meat in small buns.

What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?

"U Can't Touch Kids."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?

He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.

"Hee hee touched me."

Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?

I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.

Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.

Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?

"Boys Keep Swinging."

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Why does Michael Jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.