Celebrity jokes
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.
What do you call dead?
(Not Michael Jackson)
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
Michael Jackson.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
What brand of paint did Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch?
Dutch Boy.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Michael Jackson is happy when there are twenty-eight-year-olds.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.