How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Michael Jackson.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Hi, I am Michael Jackson, pronouns are HEE/HEE!
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
