Cat jokes
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
The cat said hi.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.