Cat jokes
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.