Cat jokes
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"