Cat jokes
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.