Cat jokes
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
Anime cats.
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
Dad fucked Mom.
Mom fucked son.
Son fucked sister.
Sister fucked dog.
Dog fucked cat.
Cat fucked bird.
Bird fucked fish.
Fish fucked Dad.
Dad really liked it!
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.