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Cat jokes

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A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

  • 2

    • There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"

    Does your cat scratch you?

    Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

    God creating cats.

    GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

    ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

    GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

  • 5

    • What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

    I don't know either.

    Why do you think I asked you? ;)

    “Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”

    “Yes.”

    “Did you hang ‘em?”

    I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

    Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

    Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

    One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

    Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

    I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

    A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.