What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Cat Jokes
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
JOKES
1. my life 2. pat as a cat.
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
