Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
