Card

Card Jokes

Funeral

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

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  • Leper

    How come lepers don't play cards?

    Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

    Virgin

    If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

    Animal

    Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

    Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

    School

    What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

    Poker

    Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

    Dildo

    Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

    The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

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  • Eye

    What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?

    BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON

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  • Green Card

    Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

    Water Bill

    My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

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