Cant jokes
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
Why can’t orphans play GTA?
Because they are not wanted.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.