Cant jokes
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Two wrongs don't make a white.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!