Cant jokes
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
Why can’t orphans be a space ship? Because they don’t have a mothership!
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
What happened to the glue?
I knew you would get stuck on that!
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You can’t land on Uranus XD
Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.
Why can’t the orphan get any of the new iPhones?
'Cause none of them have a home button.
Why can't Americans play chess? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost their 2 towers.
Happy birthday to you, you look like a ball, can’t fit in my jaws, I try to suck it.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have someone to call daddy.
You can't send an Indian to walk a corner. The only corner they will get to is 7-11.
Why can't an orphan see their parents? Because there is mayo in his dick hole.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home base.
Why can't orphans play cricket?
'Cause they don't know where the home is.