Cant jokes
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
What school can’t orphans go to?
Home school.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
Why do any orphans have sex?
Because they can't call anyone "daddy."
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: ______
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t find the home button!
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.