Cant jokes
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Why can't LGBTQ+ members be straight? Because they are LGBTQ, they are losers.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.
Why can't the orphan take a family photo?
Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What did the plane say to the Twin Towers?
Nothing, planes can't talk.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
If African immigrants are supposed to stay in their country, why can't their resources do the same?
My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"
My bully. 😭