Cant jokes
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
Why do French people like to eat snails so much?
They can't stand fast food.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"