Canning jokes
Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?
Because he didn't land either.
Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Memes
TIME TO KILL FURRYS MUHAHAHAHA
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! π
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)
β Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
β Librarian: No, because you wonβt bring it back.