Canning jokes
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Memes
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can never do a home run.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
What two fights can Africa never win?
A food fight and a water fight.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"