Canning jokes

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Todoroki POV: All he can think about is Deku.

Why do orphans like to have sex?

So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

What type of cake can orphans not eat? Homemade.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????