Canning jokes

Why do orphans like to have sex?

So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Jake: Can I go outside?

Mom: Did you clean your room?

Jake: No.

Mom: Then f*ck no.

Jake: Alright, bet.

(Brother named No)

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because it can never find home.

All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

A: Who can tell me a joke?

B: Life.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can never score home.

Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never find home. 🤣🤣🤣

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

I can smell your kids!