Canning jokes
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Memes
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)(β-β)
β Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
β Librarian: No, because you wonβt bring it back.
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human being is the one who can drive.
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school?
What time is it when you get home and you walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school? Oooooo day, a great night for
What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.
What is the difference between a human being and a tree?
A human being can walk, and a tree canβt walk.
What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk home and walk walk?
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?
Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.