Can jokes
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?
Nah, it's too cheesy.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"