Can jokes
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."
I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?
Nah, it's too cheesy.
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!