Can jokes
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Memes
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."
I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?
Nah, it's too cheesy.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.