Can jokes

Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.

Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?

Nah, it's too cheesy.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."

I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-

Can you go as a horse for Halloween?

Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?

The bird can fly off the roof.

What music do depressed people listen to?

"I Believe I Can Fly."

Mom told me drugs are my enemies.

Jesus said to like your enemies.

Yay, I can like drugs then!

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

What animal can jump the highest?

Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?