Can jokes

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

What animal can jump the highest?

Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.