Can Jokes

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?

Nah, it's too cheesy.

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

DIS IS NUT FOR KIDS

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Mom told me drugs are my enemies.

Jesus said to like your enemies.

Yay, I can like drugs then!

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can never find home.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?

"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"

Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."