Can jokes

What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?

A rock can break a glass ceiling.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

What type of cake can orphans not have?

Homemade.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!