Can jokes

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

She was too young.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

Riddles not jokes.

What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

What has bark but no bite?

There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

What has holes but can carry water?

What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

What can you catch but not throw?

And last one:

What can rule, but not command?

Tell me the answers in the comments.

Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

What cow can part water? Mooses.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?

How can you find out how old a cabbage is?

By looking at its cabbAGE.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

Because they can actually buy a house.

I have an account at the website Memedroid.

My name is J0K35FromWJE.

Feel free to follow me, and I WILL upload to Memedroid (I might not upload daily).

I will still make jokes here jlyk (just letting you know).

Ok here's your joke now...

What did one pizza say to the other when they were in bed?

"Can I have a pizza that ass?"