I didn't come into the prostitution business... It came into me.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter, Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
The teacher is asking you a question. Teacher: If your biggest dream came true, what would you be? Me: dead.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who's there? not sally ~ what first went through sally's head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike
What first went through sally's mind when the Nazis came? - a bullet
What's the difference between princess Dianna and Thomas the tank engine Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.
I asked my mom where babys come from she said I came from the adoption center.
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal part the balloon came out green.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
Two men walked into a bar and one man asked for H20 and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
one day I came to my mom and said "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
mom: "no you can't.."
me: *throws butter out the window* me: "look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it
My friend and I were joking about a wheelchair kid and another kid came up and said to the wheel chair kid you should stand up for your self
Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked why was I playing with my food.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said “it’s a deer.” The other said it “No it’s a coyote.” The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
