Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Call Jokes
What do you call it when an Astartes cum's... torrential downfall?
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
What do you call a once that's an insect?
A creepy crawly.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What do you call a fake speedrunner?
Dream.
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
What do you call a pickle sandwich?
A Big Mac!
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
