Call jokes
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
What do you call a caterpillar that's sad?
A sad caterpillar.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
What do you call a black man with a gun? A gangsta.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs? Names......
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Yo mama's so nasty, they used to call them jumpolines 'til yo mama bounced on one.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.