What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a fish with no I? A fshhhhhh!
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
What do you call a bunch of biracial, retarded kids? The Special Olympics.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
