What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Egg surprise!
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
What do you call a pig at the beach?
Bacon.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What do you call an awesome when he's taking a photo?
Family photo
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
