Calendar jokes
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
May.
Why can’t October fool April?
Because only April fools.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Five more days.