Calendar jokes
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
Why is Sunday better than Monday?
Because Monday is a weak day.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
May.
Why can’t October fool April?
Because only April fools.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
What comes after 69?
Period.