In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Why did I buy the orphan an iPhone 12? Because he couldn't get home.
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
What is missing when an orphan buys a laptop?
The home screen.
Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.
People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
What flavor do you buy an orphan?
Self raising.
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
