But jokes

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

SPOILER ALERT...

I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Your Mama so fat, when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed but the sidewalk cracked up.

What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"