But jokes

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

Q. Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

A. Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they only got plane.

At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.

When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?