But jokes

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.

I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.