But jokes

Q. Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

A. Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they only got plane.

At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.